All the Poor and Powerless

We are going through a series on idols at church. Yesterday was about the idol of comfort. At first, it was easy to tune him out about holding your things with open hands. It’s easy to think negatively (I don’t have a nice car--my car is junky and will overheat, I don’t have my own place—I live in a basement, and my job isn't the most exciting thing), but on the flip side I realize how incredibly blessed I am and I have so many luxuries of choice and what I do with my time. God is gracious to me. There’s this song by Sons & Daughters that my worship leader sang about 6 months ago. I connected with it the first time he sang it and he’s only done it a few more times since then. Here’s a link to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6fheuBf0Pk Everyone will recognize God’s holiness. I’m just as poor and powerless as everyone else. I cannot believe Jesus chose to love me. Sometimes it hits me harder than other days and blows me away. I want to show this love in action to the hurting and broken. I’m not the most vocal about my faith or have the most Scripture memorized, but what I do know is that God’s unfailing love brought me back to him throughout my sinning and I want to show that same love to the poor and powerless. Steven Furtick (whose message stirred something in me before God opened the door to DC—the message about Digging Ditches) returned to Liberty last fall. I didn’t know this and came upon his message. He spoke about God’s power doing great things through us (us, who are messed up human beings). He said a few things that got me fired up again. “God never called you to feel ready; He called us to follow Him.” And “You don’t have to understand fully to obey completely.” Here’s the link just in case you have 30 minutes to spare. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VKzdPQktHk 
The thing about college was this feeling of God being able to do anything and everything and He will use you. Then you enter the world and are surrounded by “reality”, bills, and responsibility. I don’t want to disregard being responsible, but I want to get fired up about possibilities and Jesus again. Even if it is here in Colorado Springs—then I need to get fired up. For some reason I feel like God’s preparing me for something. I want to serve Him by showing His love to the poor and hurting, and "I'll get ready on the way."

Personal Miracle

Picture 30,000 fans screaming and singing along to the song “Breakfast” by the Newsboys. Fans are jumping up and down tossing boxes of Captain Crunch cereal back and forth, thousands of lights are illuminating the night sky, and speakers are pumping out the powerful lyrics sung by Peter Fuler. On this final night of Sonshine Music Festival, Liberty University recruiters take the stage and pump up the crowd even more. They hand out an incredible bass guitar to one ecstatic fan and a brand new Wii to a younger boy. It is then that the crowd goes silent, because the biggest prize of all—a $16,000 scholarship to Liberty—is about to be given away. There is a drum roll and the winner is announced.

Hundreds of feet away from the stage, a girl is standing by the gates checking tickets. Her hands automatically begin to clap for the lucky winner. She glances, confused, at her overly excited sister who is standing next to her screaming and jumping up and down. The winner’s name finally registers: it was her. It was me! Shock, joy, excitement, disbelief, and so many more emotions overwhelm me. Realizing it was an academic scholarship, I settled on an intellectual response to the situation—jumping up and down, screaming alongside my sister.  My suave and stable response had an effect on the stream of people coming through the gates. I had no idea who I was letting through the gate—anyone who jumped up and down was good to go. There was only word that could describe that moment—blessed (and, soon, a sore throat).

I was truly blessed four years ago when I went up to the Liberty University booth and received that scholarship. I received a personal miracle from the Lord that night. Looking back, it was not expressly about the money (although this college student is still quite appreciative of the amount). At the time, it was more about God’s clear and strong hand pointing me to a school across the country to where He wanted to continue to work in my life in unimaginable and amazing ways. It was an answer to a confused high school student’s prayer. At Liberty, I have received an incredible education, the knowledge of who I am in Christ, and what it truly means to follow my Lord and Savior.

As I now prepare to walk across that stage amid the screaming cheers and yells from fans (okay, it’s my mom), I cannot help but wish God would let me win another scholarship—one to tell me where He wants me in the working world. However, I know God will provide in His perfect timing. I would not trade the tears of frustration, the desperate prayers of direction, and the growth I have gone through for any amount of money. I have never clung tighter to Jesus than these past few months. The unknown of this world terrifies me, but it also challenges and strengthens me, because I know that my Redeemer lives and that He is at work. That is the only graduation gift I truly need. 

Make War

Change: both exciting and difficult. As I was packing up my room in my awesome house on Lakewood Street, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was doing the right thing. Here I was leaving all of my college friends, a great job on campus filled with many memories, an amazing and caring atmosphere, some crazy friends, and on my last semester of college. WHAT WAS I DOING?!!!! During my break at home, I came to terms with leaving but for some reason I couldn’t get excited about my upcoming internship in D.C. I was worried and scared. What if my roommates weren’t a good fit? What if I hated ALEC—the organization I was working for? What if I got mugged in the streets of Washington? What if this internship didn’t lead to a job? How was I going to fit all of my clothes in such a small apartment?

God flipped my world upside down when I arrived at D.C. Who was I to question where He was taking me? I needed to drop the “what if” games pronto and start relying fully on Him and get down on my knees. Being at Liberty has been a blessing. It has challenged me to grow in my faith and given me a great education. But that door has closed and I’ve realized that I’ve forgotten the need and the desire to pray. I need God desperately. If I’m not seeking after Him daily, while the world swirls around me trying to sweep me off of my feet, then I’m not going to know where I’m going or what I’m doing.

I have been blessed with great roommates, an amazing hall full of guys and girls that are motivated and fun, an opportunity to work at a conservative organization that is making a difference in D.C. and around the U.S., the privilege to visit and see historical sites, and the direction to the right church—National Community Church.

God is good. Even in my weakness and doubting, He is strong. I’m not going to let Satan pull me under or knock me down. God is and will use me. He knows what’s best for me and where I’m going next. So the devil is going to have to try even harder to bring me down, because I’m about to make war.

Catch Up With Ya Lata'

My formula/process for saying goodbye—

Me: “Hey, it’s about that time.”

Other person: “This is awful. I hate saying goodbyes.”

Me: Ya…me too.

Other person: “I’m going to miss you SOOO much. What am I going to do without you?!!!”

Me: “Don’t worry. You’ll be alright. But hey, I have to get going. I’m going to be late. Don’t worry though, we’ll stay in touch.”

Other person: “So soon! (shedding of tears) I…I…I…c-c-can’t….”

Me: “I understand. I’ll see ya lata.”

Saying goodbyes with friends has never been my strong point. Some love to drag out goodbyes while others uncontrollably cry their eyes out. I’m kind of the silent type. Yes, I’m going to miss them, but I don’t want to feel guilty if I happen to not shed some tears (which is most of the time). Every time I prepare myself to say goodbye to a friend I give myself an allotted time and once that time is up I figure out some type of excuse to get going.

All sarcasm aside, I think this might be the worst goodbyes with friends I’m going to experience. When saying goodbye to high school friends before leaving for college, I was quite sad. Things were about to change dramatically, but I knew deep down that I was going to see them again in 4 months for Christmas. Saying goodbye to friends here at college now, I don’t know when I’ll see them next or if ever.

Liberty and Lynchburg have really taken a piece of me and I’ll forever have a special place tucked away for it full of incredible, amazing memories. This is the place where I figured out a lot about myself. This is the place where I found a true, deep relationship with my Lord and Savior. This is where God gave me the gift of finding friends that would impact and change me and allow me to be me without any fear or hesitation.

Saying goodbye to this place makes me afraid, because I’m not sure what other place could compare and live up to all that I’ve experienced here.

Saying goodbye to my friends here causes me to realize just how much I love the people surrounding me and how much they in turn care for me.

Moving on to new adventures and stepping out into something completely different really makes me feel like I’m stepping out onto the plank and trusting God to catch me. Something new and fresh comes with a price. A price of saying goodbye.

Am I ready? To say goodbye? No. To take the next step and keep letting God lead me to mold and shape me into His plan? Absolutely!  

Beautiful Forgiveness

Forgiveness is difficult. Not only because it's hard to let go of the anger and bitterness, but because it's not a single event--it's a process. I thought that I could simply fogive someone for having done something to me and move on, but forgiveness is much bigger than that. I cant just say in my heart that I fogive someone, but I have to let go of all anger and give it to God. Slowly God has given me not only the words of forgiveness but a heart of forgiveness.
It's crazy that I have been fogiven and am forgiven each day from the sin, the mistakes, and the dirt in my life by a perfect God, but then I can't find it in my heart to forgive someone else. Mark 11:25 says, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you your sins." God wants me to love people that hurt me and forgive people who have done me wrong, so that He may extend His love and kindness by forgiving me from the sin I've committed against Him.
So yes, I forgive. I forgive you for the deceit, the hurt, the impulsive decision to throw it all away, and the silence. I forgie you. Today, God gave me the chance to say those words in person, and I truly meant them from my heart. I see that God uses events (even painful events) to teach me and mold me into the woman I am and will become.
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." -Cherie Carter-Scott

Trust & Wait

Trust and Wait--
These two words describe what I need to be doing. Trust that God has a purpose and unique plan for my life. Trust that His time IS perfect. Trust that God will provide. Trust that God will lead me. Trust God. God has been whispering in my ear, "Wait. Wait, my child." So although it goes against every desire and every fiber of my being, I will wait. I will wait in God's overwhelmingly sweet presence. I will wait. I will no longer determine my own steps. No longer will I be fed the lie of independence apart from Christ. I shall wait.

John Burroughs wrote this poem that is very descriptive of what it means to wait.

Waiting
By: John Burroughs
Serene, I fold my hands and wait
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate
For lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays
For what avails this eager pace?
I stand amid the eternal ways,
And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,
The friends I seek are seeking me;
No wind can drive my bark astray,
Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?
I wait with joy the coming years;
My heart shall reap where it hath sown,
And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw,
The brook that springs in yonder height,
So flows the good with equal law
Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;
The tidal wave unto the sea;
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,
Can keep my own away from me

Today is My One Day

One day I will write a blog

One day I will go abroad.

One day I will run a half marathon.

One day I will graduate from college.

One day I will work in D.C.

One day I will own a coffee shop.

Today, I am crossing off one of these aspirations. I’m finally starting a blog. I’ve always viewed a blog as something I should do for myself so I can write my thoughts down, but that is what a journal is for. This blog is to put my thoughts out there and if it happens to encourage, relate to, or spark something in someone than my purpose of a blog is complete.

I’m sick of making excuses. I’m no longer going to delay dreams and ambitions I have. James 4:14 says, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” This is eye opening and puts things into perspective. If my time is so brief and so uncertain, then why should I ever waste a moment? As long as I am here on this earth, I want to proclaim Christ’s name, live a pure and holy life for God, love fully and without fear, be a generous and a sincere person, seek forgiveness in my wrong doings, laugh often, and be utterly consumed with a love for Jesus.

Steven Furtick says in his blog, “Two words can disqualify every dream you’ve ever had: one day. Tomorrow always comes but the dream never happens. Stop waiting.”

So here is my one day—today. A new day full of a “one day” accomplished.